A Tale of Two Nicks
Nothing revives a reputation quite like being sainted. Last week the Russian Orthodox Church announced that Nicholas II--Russia's last Czar and a man not exactly known for his good deeds--would be canonized. So how does he stack up against that other St. Nick?
SANTA CLAUS CZAR NICHOLAS II (4th century A.D.) (1868-1918)
IDENTIFYING CHARACTERISTICS
Bushy beard, red bodysuit Bushy beard, (anti-red) military suit
EARLY SIGN OF GREATNESS
Ponied up three bags of gold Married hot princess for dowerless maidens (granddaughter of Queen Victoria)
GOT CANONIZED IN PART FOR...
Resurrecting three boys hacked Ruling Russia as agent of God up and pickled by a butcher
BEHAVIOR UNSEEMLY FOR A SAINT
Hanging out with the elf Black Hanging out with that libidinous Peter, who punishes snotty kids "holy devil" Rasputin
REASON TO CONSIDER REVOKING SAINTHOOD
Chipmunks singing Silver Bells; Partied after 1,300 peasants endless reruns of Miracle on trampled at fete in his honor; 34th Street banned vodka sales
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