Letters: Sep. 18, 2000

Who Needs a Husband?

"Until I meet a man who can give me as much as I can give him, I will be buying TV dinners for one." HEIDI LANG San Francisco

I can't thank you enough for your article "Flying Solo," on women who are choosing to stay single [SOCIETY, Aug. 28]. Call me selfish, but I enjoy traveling, buying nice things and going out wherever and whenever I want. When the time is right, I will settle down. But for now, it's great "livin' la vida loca"! KRISTA PALOMBA Watertown, Conn.

One reason marriage is the foundation of civilization is that it is better for society. It creates stability, and it raises the mission in people's lives to something greater than their own self-gratification. As long as women bounce along kidding themselves that life is full when alone, they are putting their hedonistic, selfish desires ahead of what's best for children and society. MARK LANDSBAUM Diamond Bar, Calif.

I'm reminded of that grand old Yankee spinster who, when asked whether she regretted not having a husband, snapped, "I've got a parrot that swears, a stove that smokes and a cat that stays out nights--what do I want with a husband?" NANCY CAREY Benson, Vt.

Most women who are looking for Mr. Perfect are about 1 million light-years away from being perfect themselves. Not that you could ever tell that to them--or their mothers. RON STELTER Hackensack, N.J.

Thank God people finally recognize that single women can be happy women. I am fed up with relatives asking why, at 38, I have never married. I have many friends, a great job, I travel, own my own home and have the unconditional love of my dog. I also take comfort in the knowledge that at all times the toilet seat is in the down position. SUSAN RICHEY Simi Valley, Calif.

Friendships, dating and marriage still remain confusing, frustrating mysteries to all of us. No one, from young adults learning to dance to the so-called gurus of relationships, has any answers. Men and women will stumble through life with each other for the rest of time. RAYMOND C. WILLIAMS JR. Agawam, Mass.

My wife didn't marry a great man, but she makes me feel like one. Selflessness, not selfishness, is the key to happiness. ROBERT SPICER Fort Smith, Ark.

In our "it's all about me" culture, committed relationships are seen as a dangerous thing. Marriage becomes a scapegoat for our dysfunction, and everybody loses. Both genders are guilty of pretending this kind of uncommitted "freedom" constitutes the good life. We'll be much healthier when we realize that character does matter and that two are still better than one. TOM HOUG South Pasadena, Calif.

Your story noted that one woman broke off a 10-year relationship because the guy wouldn't propose marriage to her. Well, now that women have more control over their lives than ever before, why don't they start proposing to us men? One doesn't have to be male to ask for dates or marriage; one just has to be able to take no for an answer. COLLINS CRAPO Idaho Falls

It takes a mighty fine man to be better than no man at all. GLORIA MOSS Whittier, N.C.

So a woman who stays single is empowered and independent, whereas a man who does so is scared of commitment? It sure sounds like a double standard to me. JAMES DONOVAN Irving, Texas

Mothers on Their Own