Bill Maher is the host of Politically Incorrect on ABC.
Q. Can you vow, right here in print, never to have Carrot Top on your show again?
A. No. He's on this week. It's election time. We need his opinion.
Q. You were born on Inauguration Day. So you often miss the actual Inauguration, huh?
A. No. I actually often miss my birthday.
Q. You work that day?
A. No. I'm just f___ing drunk all day. I miss my whole birthday. I'm at the age when it's an ordeal to get through a birthday.
Q. How old are you?
A. I'll be 45. Life is better now than it ever was. But I'm worried about what comes next. I can still do everything I used to be able to do.
Q. I wasn't asking questions that personal. But I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to share.
A. I wasn't even going there. I just meant running--and I have my hair.
Q. What's the most you've ever spent on a Playboy model and not got any?
A. I've only gone out with one Playmate. She talked about it on Howard Stern. So I will probably never go out with another one.
Q. You can't judge them all by one. The winter months are completely different from the spring months.
A. There are a lot of pretty girls who aren't Playmates or models. I don't like models because they have a bad attitude. Lots of girls are not models because they're only five-five. How tall are you?
A. You don't need to go out with someone your height. Go out with someone who is five-six.
Q. I might take your advice to heart and date a really hot 4-ft. 9-in. woman.
A. There you're really going to find some good attitude.
--By Joel Stein