The Envelope, Please

COUNTRIES WITH THE MOST FAITH IN OUR ELECTORAL SYSTEM Germany, England and France, where top officials rushed to congratulate George W. Bush upon premature news that he had won the election

COUNTRY WITH THE LEAST FAITH IN OUR ELECTORAL SYSTEM Russia, where nine Deputies in the Duma, concerned over possible voter fraud, proposed sending an envoy to monitor the election

MOST TELLING BODY LANGUAGE Hillary Clinton, who kept moving away from her husband's embraces at her victory celebration

MOST CRUCIAL PIECE OF TRIVIA "Hanging chad"--not a sport fish or a porn star but what you get when the little paper punch-out doesn't detach fully from the ballot

MOST LIKELY REASONS BUSH DOESN'T HAVE A CLEAR MAJORITY 1) "We cannot let terrorists and rogue nations hold this nation hostile or hold our allies hostile." 2) "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." 3) "We ought to make the pie higher." 4) His description of Nigeria as an "important continent"

AREA MOST LIKELY TO WITNESS INCREASED WILDLIFE TRAFFIC The Oregon-Washington border. Washington voters passed a ban on trapping and poisoning; Oregon voters rejected one

BEST PROOF THAT GOD DOES LIVE IN CONNECTICUT Joe Lieberman, who invoked the Lord so often even the Anti-Defamation League asked him to stop, overwhelmingly retained his Senate seat there

MOST UNDERREPORTED THREAT TO DEMOCRACY A 400-lb. black bear trapped voting officials inside a bus station in Cross Village, Mich. It had to be shot by police

MOST LIKELY REASON GORE DOESN'T HAVE A CLEAR MAJORITY His willingness to install a 24-hour webcam, or Al cam, in the Oval Office if elected. (Tipper hinted there would be times it would have to be turned off)

BEST PROMOTION OF FOREIGN-LANGUAGE EDUCATION Pat Buchanan, who ran an ad in which a man dials 911 after choking on a meatball, then passes out while waiting for all the language options

AREA IN WHICH HIGH TIMES IS MOST LIKELY TO REGISTER A SPIKE IN SUBSCRIPTIONS Mendocino, Calif., where voters overwhelmingly approved a measure allowing residents to cultivate up to 25 marijuana plants

MOST LIKELY TO HAVE A ROLE IN SOME FUTURE ELECTORAL CRISIS Madeleine Albright. As Warren Christopher and James Baker have demonstrated in the Florida recount, former Secretaries of State can always be repurposed