1. What did Russian President Vladimir Putin succeed in restoring?
a) Boris Yeltsin's liver b) His own hairline c) Any hope that Russia will one day be economically sound d) The old Soviet national anthem
2. This bride is laughing at George W. Bush because:
a) He told her he's going to be the new President b) She accidentally ran into him at the Texas capitol c) He asked to be the bing rabearer d) She never knew a wax figure could look so real
3. An Amish man jailed for not putting an orange warning sticker on his buggy was allowed to:
a) Whittle a shiv out of lye soap b) Wear his own dark clothes instead of the prison's orange ones c) Churn coke with Robert Downey Jr.
4. For the first time since the mid-'70s, gonorrhea rates are rising, while ironically:
a) Ol' Dirty Bastard is incarcerated b) Syphilis rates are falling c) Scabies is getting all the press d) The clap-on, clap-off device really does work
5. Vice-presidential candidate Dick Cheney informed reporters this week that his name is actually pronounced:
a) Mxyzptlk b) Chee-nee c) Mr. President d) Slim Shady
ANSWERS: 1-d, 2-b, 3-b, 4-b, 5-b