AT THE SPEED OF CELEBRITY
In the spring issue of INSTYLE WEDDINGS (on newsstands now) actress COURTNEY THORNE-SMITH writes, "When the minister announced us as 'Mr. and Mrs. Andrew Conrad,' and we turned around and saw so many happy (relieved?) faces, I knew we had done the right thing by getting married."
In the media release last Thursday announcing her split from her husband of seven months, Thorne-Smith writes, "Andy and I have mutually decided to separate. There are no third parties involved. We remain good friends and will share custody of our dogs."
WOULD YOU WANT TO SEE HER CURRENT NAKED PICTURES?
ANNA NICOLE SMITH says she's sick of all the jokes about her. So we're not going to dwell on the fact that her lawyer is named Howard Stern, or that Smith, 33, hasn't been attending the latest phase in the Texas trial over her late nonagenarian husband's fortune because of a hand injury she suffered while exercising. Instead, we're just going to air her grievance that Playboy, which discovered her and launched her career, has exploited her troubles by putting her on the cover of its current issue, running old nude photos of her inside. The magazine is also releasing the upcoming video The Complete Anna Nicole Smith: A True Rags to Riches Story, which, to add injury to insult, is hosted by E! channel's A.J. Benza. And we're pleased to report that last week a California judge upheld the $475 million award she received from a lawsuit against her late husband's estate, allowing her to drop her case in Texas. We will, however, run this photo of her.
FEUD OF THE WEEK
HEATHER ("ROLLERGIRL") GRAHAM
AGE: 30 HEIGHT: 5 ft. 8 in. WEIGHT: 116 lbs. OCCUPATION: Posing for celebrity magazines
BEST PUNCH: "Organized religion, in my experience, has been destructive. Why do I have to do what all these men are saying? Why is a woman's sexuality supposed to be so evil?" Also, turned down Mom's offer to be a nun
THE "STATUE-HAPPY" CATHOLIC CHURCH
AGE: 2001 HEIGHT: 452 ft. (Vatican) WEIGHT: Massive OCCUPATION: Guilting and indulgencing
BEST PUNCH: Catholic League president William Donohue: "She is now free to throw off all her shackles so she now accepts film roles either as a slut or a porn star. She doesn't need therapy--just counseling by a priest"
THE WINNER: Graham. At least until the afterlife
In a competition of alpha males, it would be tough to come up with a closer matchup than combative 60 Minutes reporter MIKE WALLACE and the chest-thumping U.S. Marine Corps. Unfortunately for fans of hand-to-hand combat, a battle between the two parties has escalated only to a war of words. Within days of a crash of the military's troubled V-22 Osprey aircraft, Wallace attempted to contact the pilot's widow. "I did what any reporter would do," Wallace said. "I made a polite, sensitive call." The officer's family and the Marines disagree. In a letter to CBS executives obtained by the Washington Post, General James Jones wrote that Wallace's "tenacity was offensive and the conversation ceased only when a family friend abruptly terminated the connection." Wallace has doubtless been hung up on before. Maybe he just thought that was how ordinary people say goodbye.
NBA SLAP A SLAM DUNK?