CONFIRMED BACHELOR TURNS 40
Before Dennis Thatcher owned the title of world's most insignificant other, there was KEN, who not only had to play second fiddle to Barbie but also suffered the further indignity of having no genitalia. Ken, named after the son of Mattel founders Ruth and Elliot Handler, celebrated his 40th birthday last week. Mattel marked the occasion by announcing plans to hawk a commemorative tuxedo-clad Ken doll, expected to land in stores in June. Fortieth-anniversary Ken will be sold with a tiny replica of the very first Ken, who wore a red bathing suit with a yellow towel. Over the years, Ken has come in many versions, including soldier Ken, lifeguard Ken, Olympic skater Ken, sailor Ken and even cowboy Ken--in short, all the Village People. Curiously, he and Barbie never married.
His Name Is Prince
It's hard to tell if the pain PRINCE CHARLES appears to be experiencing is derived from listening to himself deejay or from the knowledge that this photo probably won't make him a huge hit with the ladies. The unlikely event occurred as Charles was touring a new south London youth shelter. Spotting a mixing deck and turntables, he said, "Oh, you've got a disco here." Soon the Prince of Wales was behind the wheels of steel, and with the aid of two rhythmic young urchins he set about mixing I Don't Smoke the Reefer by DJ Dee Kline and Little Man by the Lost Boys. The music was punctuated by such princely exclamations as, "Dig that crazy rhythm!" and "Are you insane?" One of the youths remarked, "You need big hands for scratching and a light touch...His hands were massive." At least that should help Charles with the ladies.
IN THE PEOPLE VS. PUFFY...
Any case in which testimony recounts guys named Puffy, Shyne and Wolf crossing paths with a guy named Scar is sure to have some fascinating moments. Last Friday's denouement, in which a New York Supreme Court jury declared SEAN (PUFFY) COMBS not guilty on weapons-possession and bribery charges stemming from a nightclub incident in which three people were shot, didn't disappoint. The Puffy-partisan courtroom exhaled a collective sigh of relief, Johnnie Cochran hugged his second most famous client, and Puffy's mother JANICE, who had brought him brown-bag lunches throughout the seven-week trial, thanked the Lord. Combs' friend and sometime bodyguard, Anthony (Wolf) Jones, was also exonerated, while Combs' rapper protege, Jamaal (Shyne) Barrow, was convicted of assault charges and could face up to 25 years in prison. "It's bittersweet," Combs said of the verdict. "My heart goes out to everybody who was hurt by this."
SMELLS LIKE FASHION WEEK
Fashion week in Paris was a wonderful time to be either a dedicated follower of the garment trade or just someone who likes to watch skinny women get slathered in goop. At the Louvre, Dutch duo Viktor & Rolf unveiled their Black Hole line, featuring models dressed entirely in black clothing and covered in black makeup, leaving only their freaky glowing eyes for illumination. Meanwhile, Bernhard Willhelm took inspiration for his collection from the dung-gathering rites of scarab beetles, decorating the faces of his living dolls with an application of something that looked a lot like manure. It smelled a lot more like desperation.