All Aboard Exposure Airlines

Maybe the plane can, but I can't.

Another calm. I think it's over. Wrong. A third storm. Still nothing from the pilot. Seams are holding. I lean in to the window as far as I can. Nothing but black, punctuated by flashes and that dreadful crash of thunder. I'm wearing out my necklace. I want out of this. I close my eyes. Maybe that'll help me cope. Eyes pop back open. Need to see what's going on! Have to get through this. The pilot apparently is. Plane isn't breaking apart.

I look out the window again. Blue sky, buildings rising to meet us. We're coming down. I collapse against my seat. It's over.

Not quite. Ten minutes later, I'm back in the air. Another storm. This one lasts the whole flight. I run through my bleak assumptions. This time, I answer them for myself. Pilot. Lousy communicator. Plane. Holding together. Made for this. Look out the window. The pulsing clouds remind me of Van Gogh. My hands stay on my lap. I play with my rings. I'll be coming down soon enough. I register between a 3 and a 4. I can do this.

Back at Logan Airport, they're boarding Continental Flight No. 367 to Newark. As I head down the aisle toward seat 8E--a window--I hear a passenger say, "Did I tell you what a bad flight I had coming up here?" I shut him out. Don't need this. Squeeze into my seat. Look out the window. Beautiful. Clear. Almost no wind. The right engine is just below me. Could keep this plane up by itself, if the other engine quits. It roars to life, and my stomach tightens.

This is real. What do I think can happen? None of my worst-case scenarios seem very likely. And if we do run into trouble, there are tons of airports below for an emergency landing. We'll be O.K. Perfect takeoff to the south over Boston Harbor, and then bank slightly right toward home. Level off at 16,000 ft. I hear the crackle of the intercom. The pilot says it'll be a smooth flight. Safety-belt sign is turned off. I love his voice. I push back my seat and stare out the window.

No miracle cure here, but I do feel a bit calmer, more in control. I think I'm going to take it one flight at a time.

--By Joelle Attinger/Boston