News Quiz

1. Robert Hanssen, the accused spy, bought a stripper a car in order to get:

a) her to church b) his hammer into her sickle c) her to his jail cell as fast as possible d) the Russians the info they really wanted

2. These chairs made of pasta are part of:

a) an Italian furniture show b) Dr. Atkins' nightmare c) the Eames stoned period d) the edible green room Brando demands

3. Sky watchers as far south as Mexico saw the best aurora in years owing to:

a) new Bush environmental regulations b) aurora's willingness to take off her G-string c) a solar flare d) peyote

4. Bush wanted to end testing for salmonella in school meat because:

a) it would weed out the weaker kids b) the meat industry lobbied for it c) salmonella burgers are delicious with arsenic water

5. Attorney General John Ashcroft says he's offended by a popular video game called:

a) Blac-Man b) Dope Wars c) Womb Raider d) Sim Stonewall

ANSWERS: 1-a, 2-a, 3-c, 4-b, 5-b