Secrets to a Long and Happy Sex Life

America's lovers are graying, and the publishing industry knows it. Naturally, since publishers rarely pass up a chance to win an audience, there is a current boomlet of sex books for midlifers, semi-seniors and seniors. With all the manuals already out there, you have to wonder how it is they still don't know what to do.

The truth is, though, that sex changes as our bodies age--and not all the changes are welcome. Many women going through menopause encounter physical problems such as hot flashes and vaginal dryness, while a number of men as they age have more trouble reaching and holding an erection. Often too, alas, the monogamy that lies at the heart of many long-term relationships begins to be equated with monotony.

Our sexual drive stays with us our whole lives, the experts all stress, and with proper knowledge, we can have long, happy sex lives. Dr. Alan Altman, the co-author of Making Love the Way We Used To...Or Better: Secrets to Satisfying Midlife Sexuality (Contemporary) writes, "While I can't say that you'll ever feel the ultimate heart-stopping passion you felt the first month you fell in love with your partner, I do know this: there are many of us who settle for predictability when we could have more excitement; friendship when we could have intimacy; medical problems that kill our sex life when we can correct them; and the status quo when we could have a relationship that is constantly evolving and renewing itself."

Other authors in this genre also hold out hope for lifelong love and lust. In her introduction to the often gaspingly explicit Still Doing It: Women & Men over 60 Write About Their Sexuality, edited by Joani Blank (Down There Press), Eleanor (Ranger) Hamilton writes, "When I was a student, training to become a marriage counselor, I asked a lovely old lady in her late sixties, 'When does sexual desire stop?' Her immediate response was, 'I'll let you know.' Her answer confirmed what I have known now for 40 years--namely, that we are sexual beings from birth until death."

With that in mind, here's a sampling of the sex tips for mature lovers offered by the current crop of authors:

TAKING A POSITION

Getting bored in the bedroom? Maybe it's time to consult the Kama Sutra and go back to the drawing board for a new position or two. As Married Lust: 10 Secrets of Long-Lasting Desire by Pamela Lister and Redbook magazine put it, with Martha Stewart swagger, "After all, would you spend hours preparing fabulously creative hors d'oeuvres for a dinner guest, only to go dump the same old tuna casserole on him? Having a range of sexual positions is not only a perfect antidote to the encroaching dullness of routine, but it allows you to decide what style of lovemaking you're in the mood for--tender, raunchy, kinky, spiritual, whatever--and to pick the position that best expresses how you feel." In Redbook's survey of 10,000 married men and women, women declared that the missionary position was their favorite, while men rated it last. Men's favorite position? Woman on top.

STIMULATING COMPANY