Godzilla vs. the Potato

That David vs. Goliath matchup otherwise known as the U.S. government vs. Microsoft rages in Washington, which brings a lump to the Couch Potato’s throat. Forget Bill v. Janet -- we’re strictly old school here, and this reminds us of cinema’s epic battle -- the one between Godzilla and a succession of plucky residents of Japan.

Of course, just like with browsers trickily embedded in operating systems, Godzilla is strictly buyer beware. So stay away from the late ‘60s stinker “Godzilla’s Revenge,” an excuse to repackage old Godzilla footage in a new and spectacularly stupid story that is of interest mainly as an early exercise in shovelware. And we’ll withhold judgment on the new flick except to note that if the big guy makes Matthew Broderick pâté, we’re all for it.

If you can find it, of course look for “Gojira,” the original Japanese version that features our favorite radiation-enhanced lizard in full Gates mode, stomping on people like so many third-party software vendors. But settle for the somewhat altered but still terrifying American version, “Godzilla, King of the Monsters,” if only for a rather fine performance by Raymond Burr. And try not to read to much into "Bambi Meets Godzilla" -- the boys at Justice surely won't.

The other big, uh, news this week is of course the promise of Viagra. A CP warning: This may tempt you into watching "Cocoon" once again. Don’t. It really is that bad. Happy viewing.