Being 16
Caroline Cox-Orrell
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Growing up with two moms never seemed all that different until I got into fifth grade when kids became increasingly intolerant of GLBT (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender) people. Kids would say "that's so gay!" to poke fun at anything they thought was stupid or lame. Before then, it hadn't occurred to me that anyone would be homophobic or opposed to same-sex unions because I never saw my parents as lesbians; they were just my two moms.
A lot of my classmates assume that I'm gay because I'm very involved in my school's gay/straight alliance (GSA) and the gay rights movement. For the most part, their assumptions don't bother me, because I know who I am and I know that straight allies are one of the most important groups of people working for equal rights. Since middle school, my classmates have become a lot less homophobic. Because I'm very outspoken when something bothers me, kids have stopped saying "that's so gay" or using derogatory words like "fag" in my presence. For the most part, my school now is very liberal, and I'm fortunate to be able to talk openly about my family. One of the hardest things I've experienced with my family was when I was 9 and my mothers broke up. The worst part for me was switching back and forth between houses and reblending families, struggles that are similar to those of many of my other friends with divorced or separated parents. I finally worked it out by talking with my mothers and switching around my schedule so that I spend weekdays during the school year with one of my mothers, and every other weekend and summers with the other.
In 2004, the Massachusetts government allowed same-sex couples to get married just like any other couple in the state. One of my mothers was married a few months after the law was passed, and the other is planning a wedding in October. Not many kids get to help plan weddings for their parents, so I'm excited to be helping out. However, since same-sex marriage has become legal, the government has become a lot less tolerant towards GLBT people. Our Governor, Mitt Romney, as well as President Bush soon began speaking out against gay marriage. One of the biggest pluses of having gay parents is that I constantly have the opportunity to educate my classmates about my family and really get my message across. While having a debate about the gay marriage controversy in one of my classes this year, many of my classmates were asking why being able to get legally married was such a big deal. What many of them didn't understand was that not only are my parents being discriminated against by our country, but they are also being deprived of many rights that come with marriage. When my moms were still together, they had to go through extra precautions to cross-adopt my younger sister and me. If they had not done that, the government could have taken away my sister or me if one of my mothers died. That's because they didn't legally recognize their union, and therefore didn't recognize my non-biological mother's relationship to me.
It deeply saddens me to think that our government is trying now to make those rights even harder to obtain, so it's especially refreshing when I get positive reactions from other kids or when friends ask me if they can come to city hall and protest marriage amendments. My family provides me with constant ways to get involved with the gay rights movement and to speak out for equal rights. Additionally, I have the opportunity to learn about and relate to many different cultures through my younger sister who was adopted from China, my two stepsisters and my extended family. I love being able to educate and talk about my parents, but I hope that one day, simply having divorced lesbian mothers won't get you in the news.
Caroline Cox-Orrell is from Newton, Mass.
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