The Impotatoment

Henry Hyde says it's all about "I do" -- and we're sure Hillary would agree. But as the House managers cycle and recycle their way through a case that everybody already has down cold, the impeachment trial is badly in need of metaphor. And since the TV's already on...

Husbands and Wives (1992). Maybe be it is about vows, about sneaking around and lying to our face and making us feel like used-up coffee grounds at the bottom of the White House trash. Woody Allen's least funny movie is that way on purpose -- it's also a chilling, profoundly depressing group photo of people who just can't live with each other any more. Sound familiar?

The Birds (1963). Bill McCollum seemed to think it was about the gulls rising up over Washington's 14th Street Bridge. About justice, rising up like a thing of Nature and, one imagines, pecking Bill Clinton over and over again until he just can't show his face in town anymore.

Nixon (1995). Or maybe it's about the honor -- or "honor" -- of politicians. Bob Barr talked about opportunities -- to do the right thing, to tell the truth, to just plain quit -- that Big Bad Bill always turned down. But remember, Bob, this is Hollywood, even if it's Washington: If Clinton had ever told the truth, America wouldn't even know what you guys look like.

The moral: There's entertainment value in everything. Halley's Comet is just a big ball of gas, belching its way across the sky. But when it comes around, we've all gotta watch.