In the Limo: Bill and Dubya Talk It Over

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adian intelligence services monitored the following conversation from inside the Presidential limousine on Jan. 20, 2001. TIME's Matthew Cooper obtained an exclusive transcript.

Bill: Man, sorry for being late.

Dubya: I accept your apocalypse.

Bill: Uh, right... Did they get you your latte? Sorry we're doing this farewell deal in the limo, but the radio address ran long.

Dubya: That's all right. Good coffee.

Bill: Yeah, I told Congress they had 90 days to pass my plan for bipartisan, commonsense fire safety legislation.

Dubya: That's all right. You've got a good heart. Dick and I appreciate that.

Bill: Thanks, man. You think this inaugural deal's gonna go long? I got a rally in New York, then I gotta tape "Saturday Night Live."

Dubya: Sure. Going to thank everybody — my dad, Justice Rehnquist — for all they did. Then keep it simple. Compassion. Uno Americo. Blah blah blah. [Laughter]

Bill: You know, I could never say this publicly, but [pause] I voted for you.

Dubya: You're being fastidious, right?

Bill: No, I am dog serious. Your compassionate conservatism touched my heart [choking up] and inspired the world. Besides, that Gore's a loser.

Dubya: He is. But he's got a good heart. [Laughter] Mr. President is there anything I need to know, anything you haven't told me?

Bill: [pause] Larry King is a North Korean agent. Been tracking him for months.

Dubya: Larry King?

Bill: Brokaw too... Nah, I'm yankin' your chain. No, you already know Tom DeLay can be a fire ant on your french fries... Big thing is not to get too tired. If you get bone weary, you can't think straight.

Dubya: No problem. Got my pillow.

Bill: Yeah, right.

Dubya: Anything else?

Bill: Don't stop thinking about tomorrow. [Laughter] Lemme think... I suppose the other thing is that when Section 8 HUD legislation comes up for reauthorization, you gotta be sure you read the regs before they get put in the Register. This is a big deal. A lot of times, you find that the Banking Committee staffers will have changed things during mark-up... You awake, man?

Dubya: Just resting my eyes, sir. Hey, what's that big round thing?

Bill: The Capitol?

Dubya: Uh, right. Well, we're here. Look, thank you, Mr. President.

Bill: Hey, I honor you. And, look, if you ever need a house sitter...