CHARLES CHERNEY/CHICAGO TRIBUNE/AP
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BAT TO WORSE
Chicago Cubs slugger SAMMY SOSA was caught using a corked bat in a game against Tampa Bay. Sosa, the only major leaguer ever to hit 60 home runs in three different seasons, and who shouldn't need a corked bat to thrash the hapless Devil Rays anyway, says the incident was an accident: he picked up the wrong bat. X rays of 76 (!) other bats from Sosa's locker all turned up negative (though the inquiry did determine the cause of global deforestation), but Major League Baseball handed him an eight-game suspension. Sosa is appealing the decision. It was another blow in a week of tarnished icons, including Martha Stewart, the New York Times and tennis star Serena Williams, who was bounced from the French Open in the semifinals. Maybe she should have tried a corked racket.
— Lev Grossman
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