Interview with the First Lady

(7 of 7)

Well, there were all these ... there were a bunch of things said right after the election about ... that really ... Michel Martin on NPR is the one that stands out ... about people are talking about what Michelle Obama is going to have to give up in her identity and her independence and her paycheck and her life. And I remember thinking that, Well, it's quite a trade, given the kind of power you're going to ... to do the things that you care about that you're going to be doing.

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There was a lot about that you were going to have to give up so much that you had built all through your life, the things you cared about. Did that ...
You know how I looked at ... those conversations had nothing to do with me. Those conversations had to do with how oftentimes, I think, women feel ... which are legitimate. A lot of times women feel like they give up so much in comparison to their partner or in life for whatever.

So I think that the thing is just separating out that conversation and having it. Why do we feel that way? For me, I agree with you. I mean, I look at the trade-off in terms of ... you know, I am 45 years old. When this is over, and my kids are grown, I'll be ... do the math — four, eight years, depends on where you take it — I'll still be in the prime of my professional life as far as I see it. I've always seen that.

I'm like, if I'm alive and work till I'm 80, that's a lot of good years of doing a whole bunch of things that sort of fit into my particular line of work. And I don't even know what that is yet. That may change. This life's path that I'm taking now is going to affect what I can be, who I can be, what I want to be in so many ways.

So I don't look at doors closing. I figured that out when I agreed to run and do this with my husband. I had sort of thought all that through. If I thought that I'd be shortchanged in any way, and if he thought I'd be shortchanged in any way, we wouldn't have done it.

So I just view this as not a door closing, but huge doors — many, many, many, many doors opening in so many ways. It just, to me, it seems odd to ... but I think the point made is a point that needs to be discussed among people who are really sacrificing and giving up and feeling like they're being shortchanged in their lives.

I think it's tied to the work-family balance issue. I think it's tied to the fact that when families have children, oftentimes the mental and emotional and physical challenges fall on the laps of women, and that narrows choices in many ways.

So I think we should start having those conversations about how we feel. But I don't think they — I wouldn't put myself in the position of a woman who has given up so much of herself. I know women who have given up a lot of themselves. And there were times in my marriage where I put stuff aside. This isn't one of those times. But that doesn't make the conversation any less valid.

With all that preparation, I still get the sense, watching you at some of these events and talking with people around you, that there's still a surprise at the symbolic power and the ability to have ... to actually be in the middle of doing these things. There's still sort of a sense of realizing as it happens that this is actually ... could be a pretty important thing you're doing.
For me? Surprise for me?

For you and, yes, for everybody around. I mean, speaking with the kids ... has it been as you expected it would be? Or is it in some ways different?
I had no idea what this was going to be. And I tried not to come into this with too many expectations one way or the other. I felt like part of my job — and I still feel like that — is to be open to where this needs to go.

And I know in my life that if I come in with straight expectations, then I don't see the opportunities. I just know that about me, right. So I try to sort of think in terms of there are things that I need to do that are important: I need my kids to be solid. I was more worried about them than anything — anything. How I was going to feel, how people were going to ... none of that mattered. I worried most and felt the deepest sense of pull in making sure that my kids felt good about this and that they felt good about themselves, and that they were happy, and that they were on track.

I'm just coming to the point now where I'm breathing about that, because they seem to be doing O.K. So everything else is just, O.K., we're working on these issues and we've got this stuff going. And I think that's going well. And as we start drilling down and thinking things through over the next few months and years, I'll have more focus. So I think I'm just coming up.

So I think it's too late for ... you know, I think the expectation days are gone. We're in it, and it is what it is right now. And that might have been a good thing for me, just unknowingly.

So I feel like this is ... what the East Wing has developed, I think, is a solid beginning. I care about the issues that I'm working on, I love my team, I like the relationship that I have with them, I like the separation that I have between work and family, I like the connection between the East Wing staff and the West Wing staff, and the fact that voices are being heard, and that communication is clear and that there is respect across the lines, and that, you know, people are moving in a way to try to complement work. I'm satisfied with all of that.

Did I expect it? You know, no. [Laughter.] I guess. [Laughter.] But I don't think I knew what to expect, right. There's no way. [Laughter.]

Well, it's been fascinating for all of us to watch, and especially as the mother of girls it's been really exciting to see how this is ... the impact of this ...
Well, and you know, as a mother. You know, how do you have the expectations with kids, right? Because ...

Good luck with that.
Right, because where they are now, you know, who knows where they'll be in two years, right? They're good now, and we want to make sure they're good in two years, and then you take another two years, and another two years. I think that's how I approach ... how I'm approaching my family now, how I'm approaching my work here. I do the best that I can every day, and be prepared to change ... because change is inevitable, and don't get too wedded to anything, because something else might come up. So I try to apply the same principles, and hope for the best. [Laughter.]

Well, thanks very much for taking time.
Thank you for taking the time to ask different questions.

Were they different?
Oh, yes. [Laughter.] They are. They were very different questions.

None about your shoes.
No. [Laughter.]

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