Saturday, Jun. 10, 2006

We're Rubbish ... And We Know We are

Let's be honest: England are rubbish at sport. There may be 60 million of us, but we can't put together enough people to beat the national sides of opponents whose population wouldn't fill a London borough.

We get knocked out of every competition we enter, no matter what the sport and no matter what our part was in giving it to the world. As the major partner in the Davis Cup tennis team, we are humbled by such massive sporting nations as Serbia & Montenegro, Switzerland, Morocco and Ecuador, and currently lie below Luxembourg in the tournament rankings. Despite being the major player in motorsport, there have only been two English F1 champions in two decades (and what's worse the big name is a German!). And in cricket, we get hit out of the ground by teams like Sri Lanka, Pakistan and Zimbabwe.

Let's be honest: England are rubbish at sport … and we know it. Not that we let anyone in on that fact. English fans — led on by a partisan press — have been banging for weeks about how England are going to win the World Cup. Then Wayne Rooney gets injured and the nation's real feelings of anguish and self-doubt resurface. But we put on the stiff upper lip and pray for a miracle and it seems our prayers have been answered; Rooney is back on the squad and will play (probably). Then Lampard hurts his back …

That well-hidden pessimistic streak remains. On the day of England's first World Cup match against Paraguay, you can almost feel the crackle of cynicism in the air. The outer glow is one of self-confidence, but barely hidden there is the nervousness, the deeply-held belief that this will once again be the year that England will snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Our most popular football anthem talks about "30 years of hurt" (although since that was written 10 years ago) we've suffered another decade of the black stuff.

So if you see an England supporter, don't be fooled by that confident exterior. Inside, there lurks the heart of a confirmed pessimist.