Kimmi Chopped — and What About That Chopper?

And

The editors had marked her for death from the beginning. Lots of eye-rolling about the whole vegetarianism thing, first from Michael about her getting "too theatrical" about the poor land-dwelling edible chickens (this from a man whose luxury item was eye black and who smears blood on his face after the hunt).

Then a doozy of a finger-wagging, don't-get-up-in-my-business-girlfriend catfight between Alicia and Kimmi, with cute little stretcher-doll Elisabeth staring off into the distance. And we know who's gonna win that one. Alicia may be the bitterest personal trainer this side of Don Rickles (there was an exercise tape that never took off), but she's got a reliable snipe-session girlfriend in Jeff and the tribe can still wash clothes on her stomach. And in Kucha's post-pig-hunt season of plenty, Kimmi's main contribution — not eating any of the meat — was less appreciated than perhaps it might have been had the camp larders not been so well stocked.

Didn't bring her Sure

Plus, the word is that Kimmi don't bathe, and in a high-school-girl's-locker-room atmosphere, that's the kiss of death.

So when the first four votes all turned up Kimmi, nobody was surprised, least of all Kimmi herself.

In Week 5 of "Survivor 2," the main story lines were the conflicts. The reward challenge for blankets, personal hygiene supplies and spices (spices?) was won by the juggernaut Kucha tribe ("Thank God we won the reward challenge so we can bathe Kimmi," said Mike.) But a threatened "meltdown by the Colbster" was thankfully avoided when Ogakor outraced Kucha in the rats-in-a-maze immunity challenge. Not a thrilling watch, that. (I still say they should have left behind somebody at each medal, and called them all in, in proper order. But then again, viewers had the aerial camera to help them feel superior.)

Luckily, this was the week that the editors of "Survivor 2" answered the water-cooler question of the week: Where the heck's Amber been? This was the episode that Queen "I'm serious now because I'm wearing my unattractive glasses" Jerri's bland and beautiful lady-in-waiting finally got up off the cutting-room floor.

Amber sparkles at last

Amber sitting in the water, tears in her eyes, moaning "We're so tired of losing." Amber waifishly analyzing the pecking order in her green bathing suit, fingering Colby correctly as the tribe's Undecided Voter. Amber pulling off her shades for Probst after the immunity challenge to reveal big bright eyes. "Do you see any tears?" she asked. No, Amber, but you sure are purty.

But Best Supporting Ingenue still goes to Elisabeth, who has the sparkle to go with the smile. She has yet to utter an unkind word amid a crowd that's elevating backstabbing to a gladiator-level public spectacle, and, well, is just so darn little and cute. And her and Rodger's fast friendship, lacking any semblance of strategic gain, still makes the female viewers go awwwww. (If the women watching like a thin, pretty girl, you know she's appealing. Maybe she and Rodger will go all the way, with Elisabeth winning and the pair splitting the dough up afterward.)

Unless Rodger's dead. The previews for next week indicate that for Kucha, a little real-life reality is about to descend upon this reality show, with tantalizing shots of splashing in the water and a black helicopter churning its blades in the dusty outback air. Elisabeth was taking it awfully hard, but was the non-swimming Rodger consoling her afterward — or beforehand?

My bet is if it's a medical emergency, Michael and his beloved knife are involved somehow.