The 2009 TIME 100

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21. Tom Hanks: I'm friends with your son. Who you made. Nice job.

22. Tina Fey: I cannot reveal the details of my Colin Hanks/Tina Fey story, but it is the second best TIME magazine story I have. The first best involves Robert Hughes' empty office doorknob, a thong sent as publicity for a movie based on the Real World, and the phrase "If Robert Hughes' office is rockin', don't bother knockin'."

23. Oprah Winfrey: Because I'm a carbon-based life form.

24. Sheila Bair, FDIC: For a few weeks, Steinacopia, the bogus company I run for shady accounting purposes, had more than $100,000 in a bank account. And you protected it. I felt safe in your hands, Shelia.

25. Kate Winslet: I believe she was in every movie I saw this year.

26. M.I.A.: Thanks to your sample, I found the Clash's "Straight to Hell."

27. Sarah Palin: Holy crap that was funny.

28. Leonard Abess: After you sold a majority stake in your bank and gave $60 million to your bank employees all I could think was, "If I somehow sold a majority stake in a bank, would people expect me to give away $60 million? Did you ruin it for the rest of us?"

29. Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger: You made me pay attention to the part about "in case of a water landing." I always ignore that part, figuring we had no chance.

30. Rick Warren: Did you know that I've been talking to the Christian comedy improv group at your church about performing with them next month? I bet you didn't!